I forgive but won’t forget

I forgive you….For showing me who you really are.

On one hand, I get it. Who would want to deal with this? Who would want a friend that plans to go to lunch then changes their mind because the pain in their body is just to much that day.

Who would want to hang out with a friend who’s bones always hurt and was afraid to make plans , because they didn’t want to let you down if their body was in pain again.

If you don’t want to talk to me for a while to focus on your own issues, or just to unwind and be alone for a while, you are entirely valid and you don’t have to justify that to me. Trust me I understand

On the other hand, some of you really hurt my feelings. When you needed me before I had my health issues I was always there for you. I’d pick you up late at night if you drank to much, I’d take you shopping when your car was in the shop. Make you soup when you were sick.

You hurt me by leaving me when I needed you most.

You hurt me by making me feel like my condition is to much for you to bear than it is for to live with.

You hurt my feelings by making me feel alone, different and excluded when all I wanted was to feel included and just the same as everybody else.

Maybe I should be thanking you instead of feeling a bit sad.

I thank those of you who went about leaving with human decency, for being honest with me, and for admitting that your own issues are the priority for you, as they should be.

I thank you for taking time away from me to focus on yourself and work on your own health. I thank those of you who went about it in a rude way for you revealed your true colors to me, and I feel relieved I don’t have to waste each other’s time.

Finally, I thank those of you who have never left. Those of you who are still here, calling me , asking me to get coffee etc….